DETOX from TOXIC PEOPLE
Michelle Edmonds, M.A., M.ED
Author|life Coach
Serenity Weight Loss and Detoxification program
(404) 445 8579
Republished September 18, 2018
Traits of a Toxic Person
Toxic people wreck your life. When you have trouble loving yourself, that's when you're the most susceptible to being lured into relationships with toxic people. You see, toxic people treat you like you're worthless. If you think that you are worth-less, or if you're not secure in who you are, then you will have difficulty noticing poor treatment. You will also have trouble setting boundaries against attack and protecting yourself from harm. Perhaps you agree with the toxic person's low opinion of you?
A toxic person causes pain, confusion and turmoil in the lives of those around him or her. We're all connected, so their toxic relational styles flows like poison into your heart, mind and soul. The sad part is that when it happens, when we don't know our worth, we blame ourselves.
When I began my last healing journey, the one that led to my emancipation from low self worth, to the world of self love, I found that I was surrounded by vultures. These people in my life had their way with my heart and I had no protection against it. I didn't realize that THEY were the reason I was sad and depressed. It was their treatment of me that brought me down. We are not emotionally equipped to be abused. When we're hurt, we break down. If you're breaking down, chances are it's caused by the way you allow yourself to be treated. Chances are you have a few toxic weeds you need to remove from your garden too.
Toxic people are all around. I read that 50% of people are toxic. I'm finding that to be accurate.Not everyone is friend-worthy. I've learned that if someone hurts me, disrespects me or dishonors me, that that person is not safe for me. I may love that person, but so long as they are toxic, they are not healthy for me and therefore must be pushed away or avoided altogether. It is recommended that you steer completely clear of all toxic people--UNLESS--there is no other recourse: ie: it's your mom, dad, co-worker or boss. Some toxic people must be dealt with, but when you can--RUN.
This article will give you clues to toxic people so you can avoid getting involved with them in the future. Keep away from toxic people and save yourself much grief and turmoil later.
- They have grandiose air about them,boasting and bragging about how wonderful that they are.
- Flatter you by giving you an inordinate amount of attention, money or time early-on in the relationship.
- Cannot admit faults or flaws. Says, "I don't have any," and means it seriously.
- Not true to values and norms of society; lacking character.
- Disrespect you, do not return your call(s), ignore you, avoid you.
- Refuse to deal with issues in the relationship that you bring up.
- Blame you when you're upset because of something they did to you.
- Overly agreeable at first.
- Try to make you feel guilty when you're concerned over something they did to disrespect you.
- Mimic you.
- Put you down.
- Blames world for their problems.
- Show up late for appointments or cancel at the last minute.
- Expect you to always come to them, rather than give-and-take.
- Does not listen to your concerns about the relationship or interactions.
- They are actively addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, etc...
- They need an inordinate amount of attention or high regard from those around them.
- They are continually worried about position or rank.
- They are overly competitive.
- They put you down in any way.
- Try to make you envious by rubbing your nose in their good fortune.
- Seem to be envious of you.
- Set-up outings with your other friends without inviting you.
- Try to create triangles by involving 3rd parties into your disagreements.
- Talk behind your back or gossip about others.
- Continually down, depressed and having catastrophes.
- Try to leave you out of the crowd.
- Refuse to acknowledge your needs.
- Fail to look you in the eye when you're talking. (Look over your shoulder at others instead.)
- Lack compassion for what you're going through.
- Refuse to share about themselves equally.
- Label you or stereotype you.
- Refuse to acknowledge mistakes.
- Refuse to apologize for wrongs.
- Acts entitled to special treatment.
- Manipulative.
- Tells lies, exaggerates constantly.
- Down plays your accomplishments.
- By your side when you're down, then withdraws from you when you're doing well.
- Defensive about everything you do.
- Refuse to validate your perception of reality.
- Attempt to tell you how you feel or tell you how you are.
- Constantly criticizing.
- Acts like they worship the ground you walk on one day, then like you don't exist the next.
- Makes you feel worthless.
- Orders you or bosses you around.
- Is overly reliant on parents or another person.
- Won't go out of their way for you, even when you go out of your way for them.
- Ignore your texts, emails or calls at any time. (Big sign of disrespect!)
- Does not support you.
- Belittles your ambitions.
- Speaks negatively about your friends, job, life.
- Acts like he or she is always in a hurry, with very little time for you.
- Acts as though he or she is doing you a favor by talking to you or listening to you.
- Treats you as less than if you do not prescribe to their dogma, religion or doctrine.
- Talks bad about those who are mentally ill, sick or hurting.
- Tries to turn you into their administrative assistant (call to remind me, pick-up my cleaning).
- Confusing attitudes that change day-by-day.
- Does not keep word.
- Seems to be more interested in power than in relationship.
- Seems to be more concerned about what others think than about your relationship.
- Treats you as though he or she is angry, without giving explanation.
- Knowingly makes comments that are contrary to your convictions.
- Tries to change you.
- Insults your body, clothing, personality or anything about you.
- Not available when you need him or her most.
- Cannot talk about anything other than surface, materialistic or vain topics.
- Does not do what you want to do. Always needs to control your time together.
- Does not share information with you that they have that may help you excel in life.
- Constantly complains or whines.
- Has anger issues, rages, hates.
- Plays games.
- Judgmental
- Continues to ask the same question after you've told them you don't want to answer it.
- Chews you out for no reason.
- Controlling
- Uses money or flattery to control you.
- Tells you what to do, how to think, what to feel.
- Tells you one thing, then denies she said it.
- Brings up your faults, flaws or past mistakes.
- Brings up topics every time you see them that they know you'd rather not discuss.
- Blows up, flies off handle for no reason.
- Always needs to be in the center of attention.
- Cool toward you when you succeed, get attention or look good.
- Taker
- Challenges everything you say.
- Negative
- Black or white thinking - no gray area.
- Moves too fast, wants to become instant friends, lovers, in relationship.
- Ignores your boundaries.
- Exploits you.
- Idealizes you.
- Acts pompous towards you.
- Acts condescending towards you.
- Agrees with your adversaries instead of supporting you.
- Acts like they know more than you, better than you about what you need to do in your life.
- Bitter, vindictive or vengeful.
- Selfish, stingy.
- Rushes you.
- Withholds affection
- Kicks you when you're down.
A toxic person can be anyone. A friend, a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a boss or a co-worker. No matter who it is that is toxic in your life, you must set up strong boundaries against them, and potentially remove yourself from their life. You cannot change them. The tactics of a toxic person siphons away your self-esteem. Life is too short to be depleted by another person. You need all of yourself possible to live your life and grow as a person.
Relationship Spring Cleaning
Do an overhaul of your relationships, a "Spring Cleaning" if you will. You will find that you're not really missing anything if you walk away from a toxic person. Here's an excerpt from Cheryl Richardson's book,"Take Time for Your Life."
Since soulful connections require an investment of time and energy, you'll want to choose the people you spend time with wisely. To determine whether a relationship drains you or fuels you, ask yourself the following questions.
- Write down the name of a person in your life.
- Am I able to be myself with this person? Do I feel accepted by him/her?
- Is this person critical or judgmental of me?
- Does the relationship provide an even give-and-take exchange of energy?
- Do I feel upbeat and energized when I'm around this person, or depleted and drained?
- Does this person share my values? My level of integrity?
- Is this person committed to our relationship?
- Can this person celebrate my success?
- Do I feel good about myself when I'm with this person?
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